reenastar

Okay i have decided. its official. i am going to not be checking this account anymore, and my new one is Wiccan-willow. please, if u have watched me n this account, watch my new one as well if u r still interested in my stuff. i may ocasionally check this one but not very often. well, i hope to see you all on my new account! byebye and blessed be!

there was no kendo this week bc the idiot who comes to open the gym didnt damnwell show AGAIN! Sensei seriously needs 2 find a new gym 2 practice in man. the douchebags wont even gve him a key, even tho they have his insurane and a down payment or sumthin. its annoying bc the ppl dont even fucking show and then its like kk u got me up at 8 am 2 have me waste the day bc u cant get ur goddamned ass outta bed in the morning?!  the thing is that i was looking forward to this class bc, as ive been grounded 4 the past week and thus not allowed to snap at people, my temper has been at the near boiling point att week and i needed a stress reliever. this is kendo 4 me. that and also apparently Sensei was going 2 b giving belts out. i dunno if i got one, and im a bit curious to c who went up. so all in all, Calabra, you didnt miss anything today. he also brought a punching bag that i think he was planning on having us wale in instead of him for once. not a bad idea - pity the gym wasnt open. that just kinda fucked over my day. but im spending the whol day with my boyfriend today so thats the plus side o things right now. so yep. i spent all yesterday with him too. those r my relaxation periods. so yep. man i love him so much. i dont think that being separated 4 over a week did either of us any good. it was horrible, those days. but it was nice that i had yesterday and today to look forward to.

well the day overall was good....until i got 2 gym. were doing rhythmnastics (like gymnastics and rhythmic dance rolled in2 one) and its fun - i love doing things like that. but the only thing was that 2 girls in my group (lets call them A and T) were CONSTANTLY complaining! i mean my friend S damn near snapped at A when we were getting changed in the locker room bc A didnt want to have the music. i mean for the love of god, we decided with her there yesterday that we would have music and she agreed that the 4 of us needed 2 bring in a CD and then we'd get together at lunch. and low and behold, look who didnt bring the goddamned CDs: A and T! so S and i decided on our own. and then the gym didnt have the right equipment, but that wasnt anyones fault. but then when A and T started complaining about everything that was just about it. i mean i think one o them may have said that they were sore, and its like kk stop being a pussy and suck it up bc ur not the one who should b complaining bc ur doing jack squat! i mean the only one of us who had any right to be complaining was S because she was the one doing all the lifting and a few times i lost my balance on one o the more difficult lifts and i fell on her, and i may b light but im bony as hell 2. or so ive been told. but anywho. she is the ONLY</b> one who should b complaining. i mean the most either of them did was cartwheels and those r pretty damn easy. S did all the lifting, and i was doing back walkovers for the love of fucking god! they had NO</i> difficulties whatsoever apart from helping S hold me up on one lift. that was it. so yea that just pissed me off. sorry i needed 2 vent. well i have tomorrow and Saturday to look forward to bc im spending the majority of both days with my boyfriend. we havent been alone together for over a week, so things could get a bit.....risky XD but it'lll b good. methinks i just need a few days for mental relaxation. not physical mind u just mental XD joking but yea. well c u!

man this sux. im grounded 4 the rest of the week bc i snapped @ my mom and she snapped back (obviously XD) so i cant go c my friends all week. well if im on good behaviour i can go c my boyfriend on friday, but do u kno how much of a chalange that is 4 me?! ill tell u right now its no easy feat!  i seriously need a punching bag or sumthing like it in the basement. im gonna do my best 2 keep my temper under control, but i dunno how much i can take. but i kno that friday WILL happen or theres gonna b hell 2 pay. so yea. i hope im going 2 bed early. i need a good night's sleep. but yea. Love u Tay and ill c u in the morning!

man i hate that boy right now. he pisses me off so much. b4 it was like, whatever, but now that he made that bullshit comment i want to pound his head in and kick him in the balls so hard they come out his nose!

At lunch today he must have noticed that i was either glaring at him or just the fact that i wasnt talking to him, but either way he asked me what was up. i dont think i answered him, and it prompted him to ask, "What did i ever do 2 u?"

i damn near exploded with anger. either he doesnt use his head, or he forgot what he damwell did to me a few months ago. by this i mean the fact that he goddamned USED me bc he felt bad. he left me fucking shattered and skipped off to find someone else to use. he hasnt to my knowledge, thank the goddess.

the only thing that kept me in check was my boyfriend, who pulled me into a hug and held me there as he muttered into my ear to leave it. im glad he did to or else i would have done something i would have seriously regretted. ut even hearing my friends around me who had heard the question and knew exactly what he did to me explode at him was slightly satisfactory. even one of the guys who didnt kno what he did to me said that if what Paul did to make us girls pissed at him was enough of a reason to kick his ass. i really wish he had, but he didnt.

all Paul managed to do was re-open old wounds that had finished healing. they were scars on my heart - sure, they'd always be there but at least i could forget about them. now i have to wait a bit longer for them to heal again before i can even talk to the asshole.

but at least this time im not going thru the pain alone. this time i have ppl to lean on when things get too tough to handle. this time i have Taylor to help me thru it. and this time the pain wont b bad like it was when he dumped me bc i dont love him anymore. i realized a few days after he dumped me that i never did truely love him. never. it was more like a fleeting phase i went thru. its nothing compaired to the love i feel for Taylor. i dont think anything ive ever experienced could compete with this feeling. nothing. not even close.